3 months

Happy 3 month angel day baby girl. I miss you so much.

Today was a puffy-eyed, head-throbbing, cry-your-heart-out kind of day. I think I needed a good cry though. I've been holding it in for a long time. Too long, I guess. Sure, I've let a few tears slip out now and then. But mostly I think I've been just toughing through everything for the last few weeks, and it's slowly been building up. I cried more today than I have in weeks.

I know I'm not alone in my pain. And I know that time will heal my heart. But tonight it hurts. Tonight I am on my knees pleading with my Savior to lift me up and carry me. Tonight I am weak. My mind wants to cry out in anger and doubt, "Why did you let this happen!? Why did you take her from us!?" Sometimes it's hard to understand why a loving Father in Heaven would let his children hurt this way. I'm grateful that He is understanding and patient, because I have told him many times how things were supposed to be. How she was supposed to be here, with her family. But His plan is perfect. God doesn't make mistakes. As hard as it is, I have to put my faith in that.

So tonight my heart clings to the promises made. The promise of an eternal family. The promise that she is still ours and that someday I will hold her again and never let her go. Tonight I ask for the strength to make it through just one more day. To hold on to hope. To trust that someday we will know what God knows. Someday...