NEWS FLASH! It does NOT upset me to talk about my angel!

I just wanted to clear that up.

I could talk about Makelle all day and still have more to say. She's my daughter for goodness sake! What parent doesn't love to talk about their kids?!

What does upset me is when people act like she never existed. Especially when those people are my own family....

I'd better stop there before I say something I'll regret. I foresee a huge vent next week though.

On the flip side, a few very thoughtful people have mentioned Makelle to me this past week, and I wanted to thank each one of them. Today I even got flowers from a "mystery friend" and that just made my day. Thank you, whoever you are!!

My daughter was and is real. I held her perfect little body and I kissed her soft cheeks before I said good-bye to her. I look forward to the day when I can hold her again and have the opportunity to get to know her.

Until then, please let me share my memories of her with you. I know it might be uncomfortable for some of you. But if you are truly my friend, you'll look past that discomfort and let me talk about my baby.

I probably won't cry.

But if I do, I promise they will be tears of joy in knowing that you care.

Pay it Forward

So this is how it works: The first 3 people to leave a comment on this post will receive a handmade gift from me during this year. When and what will be a surprise.

There's a small catch... You knew there would be, didn't you? Post this on your blog then come back and leave a comment, telling me you're in. Fun, huh? Remember, only the first 3 comments receive a gift. Give it a try!

The Not-So-Secret Surprise Baby Shower

Update 2/11/09 - I called off the whole thing... coupon class, baby shower and all. I've been super sick with a horrible cough and cold so at least I had a valid excuse. KC is going to talk to his mom about postponing the shower until after the baby is born. Hopefully she'll understand.


Who wouldn't love a surprise baby shower?!

ME!! That's who!

But that's exactly what I have in store for me this Saturday.

My MIL and three SIL's have been planning it... and doing a pretty poor job to tell the truth. They had a cover story of wanting me to teach them more about coupons, but after changing plans over and over I was starting to get frustrated. So I vented to KC a few too many times I guess, and he finally spilled the beans.

First of all, I hate a spoiled surprise. Second of all, I AM NOT READY FOR A BABY SHOWER! I'm just not.

I'm trying to see it from their side. They're excited. They know we don't have anything for this baby yet (except the diapers and a few outfits I mentioned in my last post). They want to help us. They want to celebrate.

But I'm not ready to celebrate yet. Put this baby screaming into my arms and I'll be all set to start celebrating. Right now, a baby shower just seems like the biggest JINX of them all.

Please don't get me wrong. I am so anxious for this baby. And at times I do feel a bit excited. But I am still scared. Very scared.

I'm just not ready to see "baby gear" staring at me every day when I still wonder contstantly if this baby will live or not. I had planned to wait until about 2 weeks before I'm due before we even go and buy a carseat!

I probably sound horribly ungrateful. I'm not trying to be. I think the combination of hormones, a horrible cold, and Makelle's one year Angel Birthday right around the corner are all really getting to me.

< sigh >


OK, switching gears...

I've been told I need to post a belly picture on my blog. I've been trying to get it up all week, but my camera wasn't cooperating. So here it is, finally... my 28 week belly.