To My Angel

Dear Sweet Makelle,

I don't know how I could ever put into words what you mean to me, or how you have changed me, but somehow I feel like I need to try.

It's been five months today, sweet baby girl. Five months ago today we held you in our arms. Five months ago we kissed your cheeks, caressed your tiny nose, marveled at your long feet and knobby knees, and breathed in the soft, sweet smell of your skin. Five months ago today we said hello... and then we said good-bye.

We had so many plans for you, Makelle. We knew you would sleep in mom and dad's room for a few months, with your crib attached side-car to our bed. Eventually, you would share a room with your big sister Maegan. (She didn't know that we were planning this. Just the other night she informed me that she doesn't like having a room by herself and she wishes she could share it with someone.) Your brothers and sisters picked out which of their toys they would give you. They talked about all the fun things they would teach you and how they would help take care of you. They were head over heels for you before they even knew who you were. I even thought so far ahead that I knew Maegan would be in the 6th grade when you were in Kindergarten and I was so excited that she would be able to walk you home from school every day, just like McKenzi did for her. We were so unbelievably happy making plans for you, baby girl. We talked about everything from whether you were a boy or a girl (Mommy was right!), to rearranging booster seats to fit 5 kids in the van, to what we might name you, to whether you would have red hair or brown, and even whether or not you would have any food allergies like your brother and sister. We planned for it all... all but the one thing we never thought would happen.

Now, we know that Heavenly Father had a plan for you too, Makelle. And that making you a part of our family was a very important piece of that plan. From the moment we found out you were coming, we knew you were someone special and that you had something important to teach us. How little did we really know.

You brought us so much joy, sweetie. While you were with us, our days were filled with happy anticipation. The kids awed at how you were growing, and how my tummy was getting bigger and bigger before their eyes. We laughed at you and how you always kicked harder at your brothers' basketball games... almost like you were cheering them on! We marveled at the chance to see you on the ultrasound screen. Your daddy was thrilled when he finally got to feel you kick and wiggle inside my tummy. And every day we loved you more and more.

We had so much fun together while you were here with us. Do you know all the places you were able to go while you were in my tummy? You went to the zoo, to church, to the school science fair, trick-or-treating with your brothers and sisters, to the temple, to your uncle's wedding, to Grandma's house, dancing with mom and dad, to a Utah Jazz basketball game, to McKenzi's piano recital, and so many, many more places! Even though our time with you here was short, I am so grateful for the many wonderful memories we were able to create with you.

I realized as I'm typing this that tomorrow you will have been gone from us for exactly as long as you were with us. Oh how I miss you Makelle! My arms ache to hold you again. I haven't let myself cry for several weeks now, but tonight the tears are coming in buckets.

Makelle, did you know before you came how much you would change us?

Did you know how you would open our eyes to what is truly important?

You taught us to cherish the small moments. To love each other every minute and to not take anything for granted. You helped us to see the big picture. To remember why we are really here and what our eternal potential is. You have given us a hope and a determination that we were missing before we met you. A hope for a glorious reunion and an eternity spent together as a family, and a determination to do everything we can to ensure that we make it there. We knew you would teach us, sweet little one. But you did so much more. Thank you my dear, precious daughter.

I am honored to have been chosen to be your mommy. I promise you that I will never stop working to better myself so that I can be worthy of the promised blessing of having you in my arms again someday. You have changed me, sweetie and I am forever grateful.

I will always miss you, Makelle. Not a day goes by that you aren't thought of, spoken of, loved and prayed for. You are a part of us, now and forever.

"Wherefore, whoso believeth in God

might with surety hope for a better world,

yea, even a place at the right hand of God,

which hope cometh of faith,

maketh an anchor to the souls of men..."

Ether 12:4

With hope,

Mommy