I miss my daughter.
I have told myself for the past week that I wasn't going to let today affect me. That I'm doing ok and a date on the calendar shouldn't change that. How can one day rattle me so deeply?
I've been on the verge of losing it all day. I just can't believe it's been six months already. I almost wished today hadn't been a holiday. It was nice to have KC and the kids home, but it was harder to get through the day. I think it would have been much better if I could have just had the day to myself to cry and take some time to grieve the way I needed to.
I wanted to do something special today for Makelle. I never did tell KC that, so it didn't happen. I guess I didn't want to "spoil" his day off work with sad stuff.
I do have a project in the works though and I'm very excited to get started on it. It should be a wonderful way for me to commemorate Makelle, and to hopefully help me chanel my emotions into something useful. I'm so grateful to my dear friend, Brandii, for suggesting it. I picked up some super soft white yarn today and dug out my crochet hooks and patterns. I'm going to start crocheting some "angel blankets" to donate to our hospital. Makelle's little blanket means so much to me. I would love to be able to give the same gift to another angel mommy. I'll keep you posted on how things go with the blankets and hopefully share some pictures when I complete the first one.
Thanks again for being a part of this journey with me.
3 comments:
Hi Misti,
I'm not even quite sure if you know who I am or not. I was in your ward when it was the Tooele
23rd ward. I stumbled upon your blog through Christel Fuentes' blog. I have been reading through it for a couple hours now and the tears wont stop coming! I'm finding it hard to continue reading through the many tears! I am so sorry that I was so close, yet so far away from your family and your tragedy. I had no idea that you and your family had been going through this. I feel so horrible for being so self absorbed! I wish I would have done something for you sooner! You are a very brave and strong woman, stronger then I could ever hope to be! As much sadness as I feel and hear in your words, never once do I hear or feel any kind of resentment or "hatred" towards our Heavenly Father. I so admire that! I want you to know that you will now be in my thoughts and prayers! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your journey with others. You have touched my life, and I'm sure you will continue to touch many others! Makelle would be very proud of her Mommy for the good work she is doing in her memory.
Love,
Natalee Wexels
Good for you and your plan to make some angel blankets. It is a wonderful idea and they will be precious. I am proud of you. I guess I should be doing something like that, too........except I have never crocheted a darn thing! You will have to teach me! :) I have not done anything like that to commemorate any of our losses; I am afraid it will hurt too much and force me to "remember". But, I am remembering anyway, KWIM?
Love ya tons, girl.
((((gentle hugs)))))
She is remembered.
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