Update 2/11/09 - I called off the whole thing... coupon class, baby shower and all. I've been super sick with a horrible cough and cold so at least I had a valid excuse. KC is going to talk to his mom about postponing the shower until after the baby is born. Hopefully she'll understand.
Who wouldn't love a surprise baby shower?!
ME!! That's who!
But that's exactly what I have in store for me this Saturday.
My MIL and three SIL's have been planning it... and doing a pretty poor job to tell the truth. They had a cover story of wanting me to teach them more about coupons, but after changing plans over and over I was starting to get frustrated. So I vented to KC a few too many times I guess, and he finally spilled the beans.
First of all, I hate a spoiled surprise. Second of all, I AM NOT READY FOR A BABY SHOWER! I'm just not.
I'm trying to see it from their side. They're excited. They know we don't have anything for this baby yet (except the diapers and a few outfits I mentioned in my last post). They want to help us. They want to celebrate.
But I'm not ready to celebrate yet. Put this baby screaming into my arms and I'll be all set to start celebrating. Right now, a baby shower just seems like the biggest JINX of them all.
Please don't get me wrong. I am so anxious for this baby. And at times I do feel a bit excited. But I am still scared. Very scared.
I'm just not ready to see "baby gear" staring at me every day when I still wonder contstantly if this baby will live or not. I had planned to wait until about 2 weeks before I'm due before we even go and buy a carseat!
I probably sound horribly ungrateful. I'm not trying to be. I think the combination of hormones, a horrible cold, and Makelle's one year Angel Birthday right around the corner are all really getting to me.
< sigh >
OK, switching gears...
I've been told I need to post a belly picture on my blog. I've been trying to get it up all week, but my camera wasn't cooperating. So here it is, finally... my 28 week belly.
5 comments:
Yay! Cute baby belly picture! Thanks! :)
I can understand why you don't want a baby shower just yet.....I am so sorry. I would not want to even go, at all!!!! I can't even think of baby showers without feeling anxiety. "What if, what if what if..." is all that ever runs through my mind when I am pregnant anymore.
So, are you going to go with the flow or ask for a little more time? You're gonna have this baby. Someone has GOT to have something happy happen to them! My friend, an the YW president just had a miscarriage yesterday. ((sigh)) "April, just hurry up and get here already!!!! I need to see someone having a baby, already!!!"
Love ya, girl!
I completely understand, and I'm sure your family will to. I will continue to pray for you, the delivery and a healthy sweet baby girl!
and....You look beautiful!!!
I'm trying to understand how you feel. I wish that I could. I know that if will work out the way the lord has it planned. You look so good in the picture. It was good to see you out at book club. I hope you will continue to go. The book isn't that great. I have my blog set up it's bowlesgang@blogspot.com. If you can't get on let me know. I'm all new to this. Keep smiling, all will be good. This little one is ment to come. Love ya, Mauri
Misti~
You look fantastic!
I do understand your feelings. I understand theirs too tho.
It's just impossible to "get it" if you've never been through it. I try to remember what it was like before I knew.
Hang in there! April is just around the corner.
I completely understand what you mean. After my two miscarriages, I felt like making/buying maternity clothes would jinx the pregnancy. Logically, I knew that wasn't true, but it was a symbol of me connecting to it all. The less I connected, the less painful a loss would be (and I don't think that's all bad). You have every right to wait until you feel you can celebrate.
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